Tales From Retail: Black Friday

I actually wanted to put this up last week, but I’m still traumatized 6 years later.

Listen. If you’ve never had to work a Black Friday before, count yourself lucky. It is some of the most dehumanizing foolery you can imagine. The customers turn to creatures possessed, and the workers end up snapping at each other out of frustration.

Let me tell you my story of the first Black Friday I had to work.

Picture it: day after Thanksgiving, 5am. I am up before Jesus and the sun and NOT happy about it. I’m working with one of the most horrible managers I have ever worked with in life (this holds 6 years afterwards. She was THAT bad, y’all.) I was volunteered for the early morning shift because, well, nobody else liked her.

I didn’t like her either, but I can get along with anybody.

The aggravation started early, as she was an hour late, so I was outside waiting for her to get there. Doors opened at 7 and we still had setup to do. And as I am that early in the morning, I’m not communicative. I am trying to get this store ready so that we can be as prepared as possible for the crowd. They had their faces pressed against the windows and doors as we worked. I might mention she never apologized for not telling me that I didn’t have to be in that early. So I’m already annoyed.

So. Doors open, and we’re swamped. It’s just two of us (why in heaven would you only schedule two people on Black Friday?! Why?!) and we’re running about like chickens with no heads. I leave the manager to run the register, and I’m helping on the floor. We have a customer who wanted a fragrance that was still in the cage. I needed the key, so I ask Snotty (name changed to protect the stupid) to hand me the key so I can get the product.

Snotty: “I can’t hear you; you’ll have to speak up!”

Ok. It’s loud in here, so I raise my voice a bit.

“Could you toss me the fragrance key?”

Snotty: “I really can’t understand you!”

She’s standing next to me now, so I don’t…*sigh* Ok.

“I need the fragrance key please!” I speak loudly this time.

Snotty: “Don’t you dare yell at me! You could ask nicely!”

Me: “…”

Snotty: “Act like you have some sense! You have some nerve…”

And it was here that I think I blacked out a little. Let paint this picture for y’all. I am on the sales floor. This foolishness is happening in front of a throng of customers and she’s getting in my face. Like, personal space bubble in. my. face! The customer I was helping didn’t know what to do, cause she saw me ball my hands into fists. I was trying to calm myself down, but it wasn’t working. Once she finished her tirade, the look I laid on her was something like this:


Snotty gets quiet. The crowd even gets quiet. One woman in the line goes: “This poor girl is about to snap.”

Me: “I asked you three times for the key. All three times you claimed you couldn’t hear me, so when I get loud enough for you to hear me, I’m yelling? Let me tell you something…”

Snotty: “We will talk about this later—“

Me: “Oh, no ma’am. You yelled at me out here, so we’re gonna handle this here! I am here to help you because nobody else likes you, but please know I can clock out and go home RIGHT NOW. Is that what you want? Cause you don’t ring as fast as I do and you definitely don’t know the product like I do.”

Snotty: “No. But we’ll talk about this later.”

Me: ” No, we won’t, unless you’re firing me. Now, give me the key so I can get this customer what she’s asking me for. Thank you.”

After that, I don’t know that I have ever moved as fast as I did. I kept the key, got folks what they wanted, and virtually rang up 4 customers for every 1 she helped. By the time 2pm rolled around, the crowd had thinned, and it was time for me to go. The assistant manager was so impressed with how I was working, she asked if I would stay late. At this point Snotty pulls her to the side and tells her what happened.

AM: “OMG, you didn’t make her quit, did you?!”

Snotty: “Did you not hear me say she yelled at me?”

AM: “And you started it. I swear, if you made our best cashier quit–“

Snotty: “…”

Me: “I’m not quitting. But I’m not staying late either. I’m going home. Let me know if I still have a job tomorrow.”

AM: “You do. And I’m sorry about today.”

Gotta love how the assistant manager had more pull than the store manager! I stayed with that company until I packed up and moved to NYC, but the experience scarred me. Now that I’m a manager, I schedule myself off on Black Friday despite the fact that my company doesn’t even do Black Friday deals!

Sending love to my fellow workers in retail this month. I know it’s gonna be long, but you’ll make it through. I hope your customers are all kind and the unkind ones step on their children’s Lego with no shoes.


Halloween Costumes for the Curvy Girl

Halloween is coming. Do you have your costume yet?


Well. I’m here to help. I’ve said before how much I adore Halloween because of being able to dress up as someone/something else for the night. I still haven’t quite decided what I want to be (and the clock is winding down), but I’m here to remind you that you don’t have to break the bank for a good costume if you don’t want to.


Take my costume last year, for example. We were allowed to dress up at work, and so I wanted to do something safe for work, but still show off my skills. I decided to go as a butterfly garden.


I didn’t spend any money for this costume!

Everything I wore for this look was in my closet: flower dress, flower necklace, owl earrings. The wings there are printer paper and are stuck on with eyelash glue (get the full story on the look in this post.) It was easy and it looked really good for a last minute idea. :)

In that same vein, you’ll find some of the best inspiration in your closet. Ok, maybe you have a flower dress, but butterflies aren’t your thing. You could also add some wings and be a fairy, just add sparkly makeup. Plain dress? You could be any iteration of cat you can think of, or something else depending on the color of the dress. For example: yellow dress? Add a bow on your right side, and add black eyes and a mouth made of either felt or construction paper. You’re now Ms. Pac Man.

In fact, one of my favorite costume ideas is taking something you already have in the closet and doing some dramatic wigs and makeup to go with it. A couple of suggestions of YouTube tutorials:

I adore her work, and I’m trying to get to her level!

I’ve also seen the dots done with rhinestones instead…just another option. :)

This look is similar to the one I did up there, just with flower petals instead of wings!

Would you rather purchase a costume? Makes sense. It’s a lot easier to a certain extent. Party City, Torrid, and Hips And Curves all have great costume ideas (not an exhaustive list) and rush shipping if you can’t get it in store. Here are a few of my favorites:

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From Party City. I have a Jack Skellington mug, so naturally this costume caught my eye.

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From Torrid. Have a more elegant party? Go as Loki and add some gold horns!

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From Hips and Curves, and my favorite! How fancy is this for a masquerade ball?

Whew! I could talk about fun costumes all day if you let me, but I’ll leave y’all to decide what catches your eye. Besides, I have to come to a decision on what I’m doing for Halloween myself. I’m thinking something with spiders.

See you Friday!

Makeup Looks Shopping

Tales From Retail: Costume Dos And Don’ts

Halloween is upon us once again. I’ve noticed as of late it isn’t as popular a holiday as it was when I was a peanut, but I still adore the holiday so much. It’s the one day dressing oddly is actually OK. At least to a certain extent.

It can be a hard day to navigate as a make up artist…because some folks still don’t know it isn’t OK to ask to be made up as certain characters.

Especially if you’re gonna ask the BLACK make up artist to do it for you.

*side eye emoji*

So, as a matter of trying to save my sisters and brothers from snapping at the make up counters and in the costume stores, allow me to explain some things you should masquerade as this year.

Please take good note of this. I don’t want y’all to get cursed out in front of God and everybody.

  1. Native Americans. Of any kind. Yes, even Pocahontas. Especially certain sports mascots. Confused by that? Allow me to help you:



THIS IS NOT OK. NO. DO NOT DO THIS. *deep breath* Listen, I get it. You want show your team spirit/appreciation for Native culture/wear a feathered headdress. If you want to wear a feathered headdress, be a Las Vegas showgirl. Do not claim to be a “Native American princess” or a “brave” (actual name of a costume I saw in the store the other day) because that is not a costume, that is culture. Culture is not nor will it ever be a costume.

2. Blackface. Of any kind. You can dress up like Beyonce’ and not put on dark foundation to make yourself her shade. This is why she spends so much money on wardrobe and makeup. You too can dress like her…and not be offensive. This isn’t rocket science, y’all. If you leave your house for a party and you thought this was a good idea:



…then I need you to find some new friends and some good sense. Because you’re clearly lacking both.

3. Stereotypes. *rubs forehead* See, this:

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*side eye*

…is not ok. I do not care if you can buy it in a store (this is available for purchase, folks, but I’m not telling you where), this is NOT OK. There were others with guitars and oversized bottles of liquor included too. I just…listen. And this:

Illegal Alien Costume

FFS, y’all!

…also not ok. To go back to culture not being a costume: if you pick up that Geisha costume and wonder if it’s ok? It likely isn’t and you should be something else instead. Just throwing it out there.

That being said, there are ways to dress up and have a good time. Make sure your makeup is for you and pays proper homage to the person/character you want to be. For example:

Miley Cyrus as Lil Kim.

I thought this was so precious when I first saw this. I knew she was portraying Lil Kim. And she didn’t have to use blackface or anything. I’m also here for some cultural references if in good taste. For example:

“Sexy” variety aside, I swear sriracha is in everything and is everywhere (besides pumpkin spice), so this is super cute. Other options of safe costumes: superheroes, video games, and book characters.

And finally, if you decide to wait til the last minute to get your costume, please don’t yell at your cashier/customer service associate. We can’t make extra merchandise magically appear (and it’s been in stores since September, so…) but we will do our best to help you where we can.

With that, I hope y’all have a great Halloween! Coming Wednesday, I will have some great ideas for costumes for us plus sized folk–both bought and homemade. See you then

Makeup Looks Stories

Fatshion Friday: SmartGlamour Body Positive Fashion Show

So, last Friday, I had the opportunity to head out to the city to see a Body Positive Fashion Show that showcased Smart Glamour’s latest collection.

And I thought…body positive? This sounds awesome!

It totally was! There was so much diversity on the runway, from race to body type to height. Everyone looked amazing and I definitely saw some items I could see myself in–mostly because I was able to see myself represented on the runway. And the best part? At the end of the show, when the models did their final walk, they carried signs that read “All bodies are good bodies.” Such an affirming end to an awesome presentation!

Clothing companies? Take note. This is how you appeal to ALL of your customers.

Ok, I’m done preaching. :D Let’s get to the fashion:





This burgundy number was my fave look of the night. Doesn’t it scream “holiday party”?

So, remember I needed some help picking out a Lane Bryant outfit? I wore the winner to this event:


Jacket, Shirt, Jeans, all Lane Bryant. Shoes by JustFab.


And a closeup! Lipstick is MAC’s Eugenie with a little gloss on top.

So, I basically ended up blending elements from all three outfits. I loved the moto jacket, so I had to have it. I loved the jeans, so I had to have them. And I decided I didn’t want to be too dressy, so this embellished shirt was perfect (and we know how I feel about sparkle!) I did still get those awesome red shoes, though. They’ll be paired with a different outfit I have planned. Thank you all for your input!

Happy weekend, everyone!


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New York Fashion Week Plus Recap

Hey y’all!

So, before my internet went all over the place, I had a chance to see some presentations during New York Fashion Week (NYFW).

No, not those shows (although I’m working on it!) This was a different set of presentations, for plus size fashion. Hence the fancy name: NYFW+.

You already know how here I was for it! :D

So, the shows I went to were different. It wasn’t like your standard runway show. The models walked out, of course, but instead of a strut, they stood and posed. Admittedly, I was a little confused, but it was also pretty cool, because as you went to take pictures, the models would give you your own pose.

So fancy. :)

I know y’all came for the fashion. Let’s get to it!

First up: Eula Taylor of Twelve26.




This was my favorite look from this collection. Isn’t that just..me?

The accessories she used were fabulous as well. All are by iLLASPARKZ:



Next up: Ava Jones of Pheline.



These are pants and I want them!



I even loved the designer’s personal style (that’s her on the left.) Those are sequined harem pants!

And finally: Marco Hall. His collection was my favorite of the night!


I need this romper. NEED.




Stunning, right? Oh, and I looked pretty foxy myself:


Lipstick is Euginie by MAC, necklace and earrings were $1.50 from a local shop.


Jumpsuit from Lane Bryant, Shoes from JustFab.

I had an awesome time, and saw some equally awesome fashion!


Fashion Show Hair Makeup Looks

Up and Running!

Hey lovelies!

I was off last week with some technical difficulties, and they seem to have all been sorted out (fingers crossed this post makes it up!)

So now that my internet actually works, I can get back to editing all of the pics I took from New York Fashion Week plus (and I have outfit pics for you!) Look for those posts to start Wednesday. Until then, have a picture of me all curly at the SmartGlamour fashion show:


See y’all Wednesday! :)


Fatshion Sunday: Which Do I Pick?

So, bonus story time!

I was out with one of my very good friends, helping her find an outfit for her dissertation defense. We ultimately decide to stop off at Lane Bryant (the huge one on 34th and 8th) Now, we’re looking at things, trying to find something that matched her aesthetic, and two lovely associates came into the dressing room to help us out.

We end up settling on this awesome backless lace top and skirt combo that is everything and the next thing I know…

“Why don’t you try on some things?”

Now wait. I am NOT here to shop for me! But then he starts bringing me clothes and helping me put together outfits and…


I do have NYFW+ coming up and I need some outfits for the shows…


I fell for it.

So here’s the thing: I can’t afford ALL  of the things, but I damn sure know I have to get some of them! So I need y’all, my wonderful readers, to help me pick an outfit! Here are the contenders:



Option A.

Jacket (coming soon!)/Skinny Jeans/Shoes

I’m not normally a jeans girl, but these skinnies are EVERYTHING. If you want as close a fit as mine, go down a size (they’re super stretchy). The coat was our lovely stylist’s idea; cause I never would have picked it out! But I do like it.


Option B


So I’m wearing a poncho as a top. And it’s comfy! The shoes hands down have to be my favorite part of this outfit, and the heels aren’t too high. And there’s cushion!



Option C


So, I already bought these shoes (they were on sale!) The jacket is my favorite part of this outfit (size up if you have larger arms like me, as there is little stretch) The jeans were comfy, but I prefer a plainer jean (yes, that’s right!) I adore sparkle, I just wasn’t such a fan of the embellishments here.

Can y’all see the bind I’m in? I want so many pieces, but the way my bank account is set up…

So, I hand it over to y’all. Help, please? Which do you like? Comment and let me know!

Super special shout out to the crew at the 34th and 8th Lane Bryant for styling help and picture snapping! They’re awesome; go see them if you come to visit!

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