Tales From Retail

Picture it: early morning, NYC, 2014. I’ve just finished my cup of coffee and paperwork, and I’m headed to the sales floor.

I’m met by an older gentleman holding some boxes of lubricant in his hands, looking quite perplexed. I can tell he’d like to ask someone about it, but he’s embarrassed.

So, I offer my help. After a while of working retail, nothing shocks you anymore, you know? So, I go through the differences of all the KY products (pro tip: always the Warming liquid. ALWAYS.) and he comes across a bottle of Wet.

For the uninitiated: Wet has all types of lube, but is best known for their flavored products. This truly seems to pique his interest. He asks if I’ve tried it before, then quickly apologizes as he thinks it too forward of him to ask. Again, nothing shocks me anymore, so I answer honestly that yes, I have (try the kiwi strawberry one.)

He then asks if the other lubes would be good for oral. No, I tell him, lube in general tastes like licking a plastic container if it isn’t flavored.

He looks at the different flavors. “I wish I could test some of these out,” he says. “Thanks so much for being so open to helping me out.”

“It’s my job,” I say. “You’re very welcome to any help I can give.” This, perhaps, wasn’t the best wording because he then asks me THE question of my day:

“Can I try it on you?”

I tried my best to maintain a straight face, but I’m sure I looked like this:

Fullscreen capture 1152015 42119 PM.bmp

Glasses and all, y’all.

He bursts into laughter when he sees my face. “I’m only kidding my dear; I know better,” he says between laughs.

I didn’t think he was serious, but there was definitely a moment of “what in all of the fucks” flashing through my head at the time.

Working retail is like playing paintball. We know that at any time we can be hit with something (whether the customer is angry or trying to be cheeky, like this one), and we have to make it a point to continue to play through it. Some days are harder than others, but this man had the benefit of a) me having coffee and breakfast right before he pulled these shenanigans (you wouldn’t like me when I’m hungry) and b) having enough grace to know that being a comedian isn’t his strong suit.

So instead of ripping him a new one, I smile and ask him if there was anything else he needed.

He told me no, thanked me again, and left (with the KY. He decided he wasn’t ready for flavored yet.)

I don’t think I was ready for him. Definitely a highlight (? lowlight?) of my day.

Happy Monday, y’all! 🙂

 

Stories

Let’s Talk Lipcolor

As Spring approaches (hopefully the Weather Deities are considering my request), it’s time to refresh wardrobes and makeup bags.

Now, I’ve decided I’m living in all things breezy and comfortable for the warmer months (we’re talking maxi and swing dresses, and cheeky t-shirts and shorts), but I am always on the lookout for more shades of lipstick.

Honestly, it’s the quickest way to a makeover–add color, any color, and you’re sure to have people asking if you went to the spa or had a good night’s sleep or something.

Try not to wonder if you looked bad before you added the lipstick, though. You didn’t. Your coworker/best friend/boss just isn’t that observant sometimes.

🙂

Now, I’m a lover of all things bright, so for the most part my eye makeup stays neutral and I want to see the rainbow on my lips. Consider this look:

wpid-20150129_105321.jpg

I swear this is my color (and t-shirt) of the year! So, this lip color (it’s a cross between a lipgloss and lipstick) is from BlackUp Cosmetics. It’s called a Lip Lacquer, and the color is VL06. It’s super creamy and shiny, but also highly pigmented. I was on my way to a shoot and didn’t have to touch my lips up once!

If you love the tee, it’s from Feminine Funk. 🙂 It’s out of stock, but maybe if you ask nicely, they’ll bring it back!

Now, besides bright purples and pinks, which are always in rotation, I’m all about oranges too. The issue I’ve had with finding a good orange is that it tends to turn pink on my skin tone. So coral is a waste of time for me, as all I see is the pink and none of the orange. But! I found some items that bring me joy:

wpid-img_20140806_091725.jpg

Now I had to find a pic that made it look the proper orange color (depending on the lighting it can look red), but I adore this color from L’Oreal. This is Color Riche Extraordinaire in Orange Tempo. Another creamy, glossy, moisturizing lip color.

So, not into super glossy? I hear you. Just Sunday, I tried a demi-matte finish lip color. Here’s the final look:

wpid-20150301_154255.jpg

So this was more neutral than I thought it would be but I still love it. This is OCC Metallic Lip Tar in Authentic. It goes on with a gloss, but it sets to this finish you see here. It’s sparkly, but not so shiny. The wear is also really nice. I had another shoot this past weekend, and it held up in the snow! It could feel a little drying if you did it alone, so I layered it over a lip balm first so that it wouldn’t dry out my lips.

Looking for a classic pink? Here you go:

wpid-img_20141215_115746.jpg

I was going out to run some errands and have dinner. Felt like being foxy. 🙂

So, this lip color is from Maybelline. It’s Color Elixir in Mauve Mystique. Super pretty neutral, every day color that feels nice on lips. Shiny, but not overpoweringly so. The earrings are from Rachel Stewart Jewelry.

And there you have it! Some of my favorite lip colors and looks. If you aren’t sure what color to try, take some time to really play around at a counter and see what you love. If you can’t choose between two shades: pick the one you would NEVER do and wear it. Live on the wild side a little. 🙂

Makeup Looks Retail Therapy Shopping

Nail Adventures: An Appeal For Warmer Weather

I feel like it’s been winter for 1,000 years now. Weather can’t decide between Cold, What The Fuck Cold, and Fuck It Cold.

Fuck It Cold is when you step outside your house to run an errand, the wind/snow/chunks of ice hit you and you decide “Fuck it; I’m staying home,” and go back indoors.

Guess which one we’ve had up here in NYC as of late.

It’s now March, when warmer weather is supposed to start creeping back in.

Apparently the damned woodchuck/groundhog/beaver/whatever the hell ran the idea of Spring off.

*side eye emoji*

I’m here to see if I can make an appeal to the Weather Deities. I’m not certain what I must sacrifice to get some warmer weather (first pair of peep toe heels? Two crop tops and a pair of shorts? Glittery polish?) but I’m thisclose to figuring it out and doing an offering dance to get some actual spring weather.

In lieu of me dancing (trust me, nobody wants that) I decided to make my nails bright and colorful like spring. Perhaps if the Weather Deities see my colorful fingers, they’ll be more inclined to paint the landscape to match.

Please?

So, I took some of the loudest polish I could find and added some metallic finish, glitter, and rhinestones. The result?

wpid-20150302_201004.jpg

I was hoping to channel ocean water and mermaid tails and warm breeze…You know, the kind of weather that makes you want to search for mermaids you’re 99.9% certain don’t exist but you look anyway?

Yeah.

I used Rimmel London 60 Second Polish in Districtly Come Dancing for 8 fingers, and Orly’s Luxe for two fingers. This is my first time using Rimmel polish, and I have to say I’m pleasantly surprised. Even though it’s a quick dry polish, it doesn’t go on streaky, and one coat will do–but I wanted more intense color so I used two in my manicure. The glitter is from Fingr’s–it looks blue in the container, but looks more gold on the nail. Super pretty. They come in a set of 4, so now I want to try all of them to see how they blend. And because it’s me we’re talking about, I put a blue rhinestone on each pointer finger. Because why not. 😀

Oh, dear benevolent Weather Deities, please hear my plea and accept my offering. I hope my aquatic nails please you.

If they don’t, please know I’m prepared to give you full neon. Anything! Just bring back the warmth!

Nail Adventures Retail Therapy Reviews Stories