Banishing the Diet-Mind

This is the year I can’t be bothered to do a “lose weight” resolution.

Normally, I don’t do resolutions in general. Can’t be bothered to try and keep them, and the moment I break them.

But every year, whether spoken or not, I always have “lose weight this year” bouncing about in the back of my head.

It’s something I fight. Because despite all of the things I’ve done in life, all the things I’ve overcome, all the things I’m working towards currently…it’s this damned resolution that rings in my ears every year.

Because if I can do it, I can be truly successful.

Let’s unpack that, shall we?

Over the last few years I have climbed the ladder at work, and won awards for doing that thing I do so well. This year I have decided to get my MFA in creative writing, and am completing applications in between my other projects. I hope to get a short story published this year. I’m branching out socially. I actually think I’m enjoying it even. I take pictures and I SMILE, for goodness’ sake!

None of that makes me successful, to my Diet-Mind. I’m still fat.

How sad, right?

Most of us fat folks have a Diet-Mind. The Diet-Mind is that voice that sits in the back of your head and speaks to you when you’re at your lowest moment. It convinces you that the problems you’re having will somehow go away if you lose weight. Typically, that isn’t how it works, but the Diet-Mind is pretty convincing. It gives us something to change, to fix, to hang on to when there’s nothing else tangible to blame. We shift it inward. And next to the deep part of your soul, in a dark cave, the Diet-Mind lurks. Waiting for the moment to strike.

Sometimes we give in to that Diet-Mind, the harpy. Polishing its delicate claws, the Diet-Mind seeks to needle its way into our delicate psyche. We can’t be happy with our myriad of accomplishments.

I finally made it into Headstand!  Diet-Mind: Doesn’t matter. Your belly hangs.

I made it to the end of the trail. I’m not even out of breath! Diet-Mind: But your thighs rub together though. Ew.

This outfit came together perfectly! I look amazing, and I feel— Diet-Mind: fat. You feel fat, hon. Because you are.

-_-

The Diet-Mind seeks to undermine our self confidence at every turn. No celebrating, because at every turn, we’re reminded that we are fat.

As if we didn’t see that in the mirror this morning.

Bit by bit, the Diet-Mind whispers into our ears about how we’d really look fabulous if we dropped about 20lbs. Think of the inversions you could make! The trails you could hike! You can’t do that now. You’re fat. You’ll embarrass yourself. Listen, how about you wait until you’re not overweight, ok? Let’s work on that first. Then you can hike, and do yoga, and dress properly. Come on, now. Be realistic.

The Diet-Mind is negativity incarnate.

I’ll pause here to say–sometimes, for some people, the Diet-Mind is a kind soul. It helps some of us get to the next level, to make a good decision for our health. For some people, the Diet-Mind is a life saver.

For others, quite a few of us, including me, the Diet-Mind seeks to destroy us from the inside. It wraps itself around our self worth, our confidence, our core well being and strangles what bit of positive thinking we have. If it isn’t our Diet-Mind being horrid, it’s someone else’s Diet-Mind telling us: hey, look, it can be done! She fixed herself. You can do it to! What’s your excuse? Or even still: I worry about you. Won’t you work on this? For me?

But…I’m not broken. I’m just fat. How can my fat bother you, exactly? I live in my body, you live in yours. Let me be happy in my body, you be happy in yours.

That’s it.

That’s all.

If I’m looking to lose anything this year, it’s the Diet-Mind. It knows when to rear its ugly head, normally when I’m at my highest stress level, and tries to convince me the way to serenity is losing 70lbs.

But being smaller won’t get my paperwork done, though. It won’t get this manuscript written or proofed. It won’t get me clients. It won’t improve my makeup skills. Won’t change my style–I’m already fierce.

What my Diet-Mind actually gets me is lower self esteem and lower confidence. It makes me think I’m not worthy of companionship, and that me being fat is why.

And absolutely none of that is true.

If I had to make a resolution this year, and call it a resolution, it would be this: to love myself more. To be kinder to myself. To accept myself in all of my flaws and failings, and to recognize that all of these come together to make this person. That makes ME. And loving myself as I am, in this body, is OK. Yes, it’s a radical act, but it’s mine to make, and I do so proudly.

Diet-Mind, you are no longer free to take up residence in my brain. Begone!

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Fatshion Friday: New Year, New Perspective

Hello my lovelies! I hope y’all had a safe and happy new year. 🙂

Wednesday, I told y’all about my outfit I’d originally planned for New Year’s Eve.

Sadly, I still haven’t got it (no one was able to sign for it, so it’ll be delivered today, hopefully) but I’d gotten a surprise shipment from Eloquii on Tuesday.

I’d only ordered it the previous Friday, and didn’t think I’d get it in time. I was so happy I did, because I’d managed to ransack my room trying to figure out what to put on and still wasn’t 100% happy with what I’d put together.

But before I get into my fabulous outfit, I want to have a moment to discuss my history with New Years.

I don’t really have one. This was the first year since I moved to the Big Apple that I’d actually gone out to celebrate. Logistics of trying to navigate NYC on NYE aside (OMG Y’ALL. SUCH A PAIN) there’s always something to get into, and I’d never taken the time to experience it.

Most of it had to do with me being socially awkward and introverted. I’ve made some strides over the last year to get out and do things, even if it’s by myself. That hasn’t always been me though. I actually found the club my friends and I attended and coordinated getting folks to come out. Also not something I normally do.

But it was so worth it.

NYE is fraught with anxiety for most people, particularly if you’re single. It’s seen as a night to maybe make a new friend and get a kiss at midnight. I’ve still not had that first year’s kiss experience, but my NYE wasn’t lacking at all. That wasn’t what I was aiming for. I wanted to celebrate surrounded by my friends, and ring in the new year with some of my favorite people in the world.

I got to do that. And for that, I am happy and grateful. 😀

I also looked fabulous.

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Please don’t mind the blurry club pics. This was a pause in the middle of a happy dance!

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And here’s me and my friend C, all dolled up for the night.

Now, let’s talk outfit details. Yep. That’s my belly. All of it. Stretch marks and all.

And I was so surprised at how many compliments I received. Even though I love to push my personal comfort boundaries, I still get anxiety about wearing clothes that society says fat girls aren’t supposed to wear. Crop top? What? Are people gonna laugh at me?

Maybe they did. I couldn’t hear them over how others told me they loved what I had on. So, this is the African Violet set from Eloquii, and I layered it with their white Longline Vest  because a) cold, and b) pockets (the skirt has pockets too). I wore a simple pair of sparkly flats (that cut my toe 😦 ) but were relatively comfortable, and I danced the night away with my friends.

Then we had breakfast, and we all went home with smiles on our faces.

If NYE was an indicator of how my 2015 is going to go, then I’m here for all of it. Here’s to new experiences and fabulous fashion in the new year!

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Happy New Year!

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I want to thank each and every one of you for reading and interacting with me, whether it’s here on the blog, or on any of the various social networks I’m on. I love writing and hanging out with y’all in this space, and you help make me great!

I hope y’all were able to leave 2014 at peace, and that 2015 is everything y’all hope and need for it to be.

Happy New Year!

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Monday Motivation

Mondays are hard to deal with.

Either you had an awesome weekend, and you want to continue to bask in the glow that comes from it, or you had a horrid weekend, and the fact you have to go to work today and tell people (or not tell people) about it makes you want to call out sick.

Maybe you worked the whole weekend, and you still have a few days yet until you can have a day off to enjoy your life. Or do laundry/grocery shop/wash dishes. And Monday is just another day in the way.

You can do this.

Monday isn’t your worst enemy.

Life isn’t either.

No matter how rough this day can get, or how rough the week can stack up, you can handle every obstacle thrown at you.

You can make your appointments, make it through the appointments, handle the day’s tasks AND get dinner ready.

Your boss won’t work your nerve today, and even if said boss does, you’re gonna handle it with the class, grace, and dignity you always have.

You’ll be able to ask for what you want or what you need. Even if you don’t get it, your boundaries are set and now you can work towards the end goal.

You can do this.

Grab your coffee, your tea, your juice. Have a delicious breakfast, and take a deep cleansing breath in and out.

You got this.

You’re bigger than any issue that comes towards you. Let your self doubts know the deal.

Have a positive day!

Positivity

Plus Night Out–The Recap

Positive energy makes me as happy as shopping does. When I can get both combined into one event? Score!

And I didn’t want to enjoy it all by myself (who would?) So, I called up my hard working, dissertation writing friend and got her out of the house for a day of shopping and her first NYC fashion show.

Let me just say—Plus Night Out was AWESOME! We had delicious sangria, tasty snacks, and even bitty banana pudding cupcakes.

Amazing.

The fashion didn’t disappoint, either.

I love that this season isn’t filled with only muted neutrals. There’s nothing wrong with muted neutrals, of course. But since I wear the favored neutral all the time (black), I am always looking for more color in my life.

Speaking of color, here I am before the show:

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I have on a super colorful dress from ASOS Curve. I love a good swing dress because they are so comfortable and breathable!

Ready? Let’s go!

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Gonna interject here and say how much I love hooded tops. So chic! My favorite showing of the night was from Jon Marc. I showed you the intro to the line Monday, and here are my favorite pieces from the line:

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I wanted EVERYTHING in this line! OMG, y’all. The cream with the yellow plaid? I do not care if it’s after Labor Day, I will wear that to the grocery store!

It was a wonderful night, and we had an amazing time. Definitely looking forward to next year’s show!

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Style Inspiration

Today’s subject of the Curvy Fashionista Photo Challenge is “Fashion Inspiration.” Now, of course I have a pic up that embodies that inspiration (over on the right sidebar), but I wanted to go deeper into where my style comes from.

Nature gives me all of the best ideas–from which shades look best together to how to coordinate some shine into a look. Think like when you walk through a park: there’s a lot of green, but a cardinal will catch your eye, or a odd orange flower makes you pause. People describe colors by fruits: cherry or apple red or lemon yellow. Even when you walk the produce aisle at the market, everything is color blocked so as to draw your eye to the delicious goodies. So much like nature will bring one or two things to the foreground, I do the same thing when planning an outfit: I have one or two star pieces, and everything else is neutral. So if I do bright lip color, then the rest of my face is neutral. If I have on pink eye shadow, I’ll do green jewelry but I’ll have on a plain dress to balance it out.

As for which colors to pick, I normally have on blue, because it’s my favorite color. But really, I likely have pieces in every color in the rainbow or on a tropical bird. The love for sparkle comes from the sun–big, glowy, and warm.

Combine all these elements together and when you see my accessories + fashion picks, it all makes sense.

My favorite thing, though? Flowers. Part of the reason I love flowers so much is because they tend to pop up anywhere. Barren sidewalk? Hey, it’s a dandelion peeking through the cracks! Driving on the highway? Look on your left! See the bright blue flowers tucked in the grass? (I think they’re bluebells, but don’t quote me on that.).

I have a million flower clips for my hair, and my earrings always have some kind of quirk to them: Storm (yep, from X-Men), owls, flower studs, huge hoops, sparkly drop or dangle earrings. Every bit of what I adorn myself with is about putting some visual interest into something plain.

In my younger years, my wanting to blend in years, I still loved having a pair of earrings on. It definitely wasn’t every day, unlike now where I feel naked without something dangling from my ear lobes.  Mostly it was just hoop earrings and a necklace. Just a little something, when I dared to be “fancy.” Again, putting some visual interest into something plain–me.

And now?

I wear a lot of jewelry, if I have the chance. I know the common rule is to take at least one thing off before you walk out the door, but when it comes to accessories, I believe less isn’t enough. Like magpies who swoop in to snatch something shiny, all things that glitter and sparkle make me the happiest. My favorite thing to do is wear a huge statement necklace and a glittery hair clip. In theory: OMG TOO MUCH, but on me? It just makes sense. A bold statement.

Which makes me stand out.

And I like that. A lot.

Change is good. 🙂

 

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Positive Tuesday

I had some thoughts while working on something else, and wanted to share them with y’all. This isn’t regularly scheduled programming, but I feel as though someone is gonna come across this page and need to read this.

You’re enough.

You don’t need him.

You don’t need her.

You don’t need them.

Their problems are not your problems. That isn’t being selfish; that’s called self-care.

You look amazing in that dress. It hugs all of your beautiful curves.

Your ass looks amazing in those jeans. Haters gonna hate.

Yes, wear the crop top.

No, it’s never too early in the day for red lipstick. Rock out!

Yes, you can wear purple eye shadow. Play in some shades!

No, not wearing makeup doesn’t make you less of a woman. It makes you a woman who doesn’t wear makeup.

No, wearing makeup doesn’t make you less of a man. It makes you a man who wears makeup.

You are not a problem to be solved.

If something goes wrong today, trust in your ability to fix it.

Yes, wear the tulle skirt. It’s not too fancy for work.

Buy it, if it’s in your budget. If you can’t spend money on you every now and again, there’s no point in having it.

Enjoy that cookie. It doesn’t hold moral ground. You wanted a cookie. Eat and be happy.

Enjoy that salad. It doesn’t hold moral ground. You wanted a salad. Eat and be happy.

Your face isn’t too fat for short hair. Flaunt that pixie!

Your legs aren’t too fat for shorts/skirts/leggings.

No, you don’t have to belt that. Flow on, sister!

You do have a name, and it ain’t big girl or big boy. And there’s nothing wrong with correcting the person that says it to you, either.

Wear what you love.

Love who you wish.

You are enough. In case you forgot as you read this today. 🙂

 

Any other bits of positivity you want to share? Leave them in the comments!

Have a wonderful day, everyone. 🙂

 

Positivity