Full Figured Fashion Week: But First, Let Me Take A Selfie

I’ve discussed in detail before, on my previous blog, how I am not a real fan of pictures.

In an effort to see myself as others do, I have made an effort to photograph myself more, and let myself be seen. Smile.

Although smiling is still pretty weird for me, I make an effort to do it more. I tend to always look unhappy when I’m not, and I want to be more expressive.

It’s all part of the evolution. 🙂

So, without further ado:

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This was when I went to the sample sale last Thursday. I used the Stila Dare to Bare Palette, Black Sheep Cosmetics Berry Lipstick (bright blue), and a Revlon pink gloss.

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So, this is a sneaky peek at an upcoming post (Thursday!), but this is from the Eloquii trunk show I attended. Same palette with a now discontinued brown lippy from Sephora. I love how my brows turned out here ( I did a different method than usual. Worth the extra effort!) Would y’all be interested in a tutorial? Remember, the YouTube Channel drops next month!

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And finally, this is from last Saturday’s fashion show look. I used a now discontinued ( 😦 ) Urban Decay palette (it’s hard to see in both pics, but I have on green shadow) and Maybelline’s Color Sensational Elixir in Mauve Mystique.

I pretty much did a relatively neutral palette on my face, because my outfits were so colorful. Where are those outfits, you say? You’ll see them coming up with  part one of the fashion show recap! 🙂

Hair Makeup Looks

The Evolution Begins: Put One Foot In Front Of The Other

New to this series? Here are parts one and two.

When I got to sunny Miami, I was in for a few shocking realizations. One, everything outside of my part of Louisiana is HUGE. Two, water really does come the same shade of blue in the Crayola box. Three, I have a ridiculously thick Southern accent (and no, I don’t hear it when I speak.) Four, I am desirable.

Let’s look at that last part.

For years, I concerned myself with what others thought of me. I still did my best to march to the beat of my own drum, but it was still couched in trying in some form to fit in. And honestly, I had to realize that wasn’t going to happen. At least, it wasn’t going to happen on the level I’d hoped. All of the teen movies coming out showed that with faith and a bit of luck, any ugly duckling would blossom into a swan.

That’s bull. You’re already the swan, you just need the eyes to see it. I wish I would have.

While shopping for school clothes, with my mom before the beginning of my sophomore year in high school, I noticed I was turning some heads. I immediately felt self-conscious. I’m thinking, okay, I’m so fat folks got to stare me down? Did I grow an extra head? Do I have yet another zit? What is going on here? What is this madness?!

Nope. Apparently, I ain’t too bad to look at.

I really wasn’t sure what to do with this news. For years, I’d been told otherwise by my peers, and made to feel otherwise by family at times (“I’ll pay you if you’ll lose 50 pounds!”) And now…I’m…pretty?

I wish I could say I was modest when this realization hit me. Nope. I went from having zero self-esteem to conceited. I would create outfits that today would make me cringe if I had photographic evidence of my wearing them.

But I rocked them with reckless abandon.

What’s interesting about this is that I’d always tied self-worth to weight. I dressed to look smaller. If I was quiet, no one would notice me or my fat. Blend in, be silent, keep the people away. Then I could be liked, loved even. I could be special.

And I discovered I could be all of those things and fat. Serious business, y’all.

By the time I made it to college, I understood I didn’t have to conform to be a part of a certain circle. There were plenty of circles to be a part of, and hey, I could even make my own! My mind continued to evolve, and I was a better person for it.

Whether I’m stepping in heels or sneakers, I continue to put one foot in front of the other. Time marches on; the world spins; I rise.

The Evolution Continues.

Stories

The Evolution Begins: Crawl Before You Walk

Part One of this series is here.

My mother got engaged and married before I finished my freshman year. We were moving to Miami that summer, a world away from my home state of Louisiana.

Before we moved, my stepfather (“Pops” hereafter) got me a pair of beautiful black heels for my 15th birthday.

He got me a name plate necklace and bracelet too, because I saw his and thought it was so pretty.

But those heels? Oh, oh, my. High heeled, open toed, and the heels had these swirly embellishments on them. Now, Pops was well aware that I didn’t do dressy clothes often outside of church, but he figured that was where I’d wear them.

Nope.

Wore them to school with a pair of hip huggers I’d gotten for Christmas that year. The jeans had swirly black embellishments to go with the design on the shoe, and I had a nice black top to put with it.

Walking into the gym that morning, I heard a couple of whispers. I realized folks didn’t quite know what to say to me. I’d gone from demi-feminine to ultra-feminine in one day, and now I fit in. Kinda. Or maybe it was that I not only looked more like everyone else, but that I was even capable of pulling it off. It wasn’t a complete switch. I incorporated it into my “tomboy glam” repertoire: some days sweats, some days heels, and every day, at least to me, I felt I looked great. Until…

I started getting the backhanded compliments: “Wow, your outfit is so cute! You really aren’t a boy!” The ultimate one? “You can really dress. If you lost some weight, you would be perfect!” And although it hurt me, I didn’t drop the new look.

Yet all I could think was: really!? I don’t win here, do I? Of course I didn’t. But I was still too young to get that it wasn’t a matter of impressing everyone else, it was a matter of embracing myself as I was. Of course, I dieted and wanted to be pretty (cause you can’t be fat and pretty, don’tcha know), but I never really got that there is so much more to beauty than the outside. Your outfit is only a part of you, and it isn’t even the important part.

It took me changing states to change my perspective…

To Be Continued.

Stories

The Evolution Begins

I had blending in down to an art. I was the smart kid, pretty quiet but caustic when pushed too hard.

I was remembered before the big exam and forgotten shortly thereafter.

In middle school, I wore a uniform, and on rare occasions we were allowed to wear dressy clothes to school.

I was reminded, with an accompanying eye roll, that “dressing up” did not equal pants. I wasn’t really a dress or skirt kind of girl, outside of church. But, I complied, if only to fit in for a day.

First day of high school, I was proud of myself. I’d had a babysitting job all summer, and I could buy all of the clothes I wanted. My big purchase was a pair of Nikes. They looked like they had swirls all over them in a gradated blue that made me immensely happy.

I bought matching sweats and tees to wear with these sneakers, along with earrings and nail polish. Not totally tomboy, not totally girlie.

I loved it. Naturally, the first day of school I set off a bit of confusion for my classmates. “Why is she dressed like a boy?” “But if she’s trying to dress like a boy, why is she wearing earrings and nail polish?”

It was confusing for them, but not for me. I liked my style. I stood out a bit, but I was okay with it. I felt foxy. I could be fierce in my sweats and sneakers, honey! Couldn’t tell me nothing.

At least, that’s how I looked on the outside. I tried to keep my head high when the kids sneered at me. At my attitude, my supposed confidence. Daring to be happy.

And when I got “unruly”, you know, thinking I had some rights to live happily, I was reminded: “Yeah, you can dress, but you’re still fat.” “Don’t smile. Your teeth look a mess.” “Why you got so many bumps on your face?”

I did my best to keep my head high. My mother was a constant support, but it’s hard to hear a lone cheer amid a chorus of negativity.

And then, something happened to change my mindset…

To be continued.

Stories Uncategorized

I Made A Few Changes…

So, I made a few changes around here! Spring is coming, and it’s time to move with it, even if this New York weather isn’t trying to comply.

Sidebar: 55 degree days shifting to 31 degree days: not cool, nature. Not cool.

Ahem.

Please, allow me to show you around! By the way: if I am on anyone’s blogroll, the new URL is evolvingfatshionista.com.

So, all of the links to my favorite stores, blogs, and so still exist. To see them, you’ll go to the header and click the little gear.

Want to see all the info about me, and a more in depth explanation of the new name? Click the little circle with the lines in the header.

Want to follow me on social media? Click the heart in the header for links to all of the social media I participate in (side note: I am now @evolvingfatshionista on Instagram.)

Part of this change came about because I noticed I’m getting new followers on Hyde and Seek, which makes me super happy because, yay, people like it! Then boo, because I don’t write there anymore. I’ve also loved the response I’ve gotten when I’ve done the body positive posts here.

And the other part of it is that I do miss doing the more in depth style of writing I did at Hyde and Seek. I love sharing my nail and makeup looks with all of you, but I also love probing that part of me that wants to express myself with these nails or this eyeshadow, because it is all intertwined.

And so, now my corner of the Internet is Evolution of a Fat Fashionista. You’ll get to see my inside as it relates to my outside and vice versa, and I hope you’ll enjoy the ride. I’m taking the weekend off, and Monday you’ll get a story post.

See you then!

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